so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
organizing the empties. That sober.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
