Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
