I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
