Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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