you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
