imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
