forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
