Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Houston, we have a blender
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
