Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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