I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
