Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
