you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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