Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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