Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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