3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
