there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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