I'm jealous of your bromance
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
