Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
