I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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