I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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