well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We had sex on a dog bed..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
