What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
