please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have feelings that need drinking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
