porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
