Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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