I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
