So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
