I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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