if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
