11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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