I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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