Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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