so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
