Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
