were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
