All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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