Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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