nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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