I want to have your abortion
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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