margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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