Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
