Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
