The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
