Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
