Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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