wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
