He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
