If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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