I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
