At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
