He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
