she woke up with a sticky ear
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
