apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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